There is still a 5th celebration.. But shall talk about it another time.

Recently many things happen.. And from what i heard, September this year is like the break up month. Seems like its the same for me. And this time its really time for me to let go...

Its really my fault.. A mistake I made. Whereby in the past, i wouldn't allow myself to make this mistake. How i wish i could turn back time, and prevented myself from making this silly mistake - Of falling too deep. Way too deep. But right now, i just wish that i can have selective amnesia.. Delete those memories i do not wish to keep.. Memories of you. I have a very good memory when it comes to a r/s and can almost remember every single detail.

The first time i visited you in your dreams..
The first thing you did to win my heart..
The first i slept in your room.. (and you slept on the floor while i slept on your bed. ha)
The first time we held hands..
Our first kiss

And so many other first times. I want to forget it all. Cux its too painful for me to handle.. But i will be strong and learn to let go. I definitely will.

I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldn't give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then I can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.

Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it wont be enough

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

So why does you pride make you run & hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what your keeping inside
Thats not how you want it to be

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing I do

Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you

I'll Be Waiting.

- Wait for you
Elliot Yamin

This is the first song you sent to me through MSN and it attracted me a whole lot.
Now this song kind of describes how I'm feeling.. You were not an absolute perfect BF, but my feelings for u is longer and stronger than the Great Wall of China. Your feelings for me, was merely like the segment of the Great Wall of China that has that is fragile and collapsing.

I knew there will be no turning back when you said hurting words like these.

Hate you to the core.

I can't stand girls like you, good mood, anything also can. smth you don't like only create hell.. I thought you were different. I thought wrong.

You argue with me then i do what, keep quiet? Later you will say thats all i can say.. Whatever i say or do also wrong.. What have you done to make me happy?

I don't wanna hurt you anymore.. Cause i know i will get you all angry.. Lets just take one step at a time.

So sorry, i know i have hurt you enough.. I don't wanna hurt you more.

I really really loved you.. But like you said I think that its time we moved on.. No point staying on like this.

There is a lot of anger in me. A LOT of sadness too. I dislike you for saying all these hurtful words. And then for trying to make me feel better by beating around the bush. But i'm not as weak as you think i am. You were not at all fantastic, to make me waste tears on you. But it was my mistake to allow myself to fall too deep. Remember that. I wish we will never ever have anything to do with each other ever again. Unless it is fate, i think we will really never see each other again after getting back ALL my belongings. You said you wanted to see that big smile of mine again, you wanted to continue our 'lovebok'. Its all a big fat lie. Now i will never smile like that again. Never ever. You reinforrced my thinking of 'hating guys'. Thanks. This is by far the worse breakup ever. Worst ever birthday spent with a bf. I shouldn't have allowed myself to get so attached to things related to you.
I should not have.

I wish that may i get into an accident, which in turn will be my miracle, to have selective amnesia and forget all about you. EVERYTHING about u.

I WISH....

Left My Wonderland @ 7:39 PM